What just happened to me?
165 minutes just FLEW by.
Amazing.
I have to admit that when I saw Inglourious Basterds in the theater, I was drunk. However, when I saw it again at home, I confirmed my drunken opinion that that movie sucked ass. It was 20 minutes of genius, followed by a billion years of subtitled hell.
And, the best part of Deathproof was the spoof trailers they showed between it and Grindhouse during the double feature. Actually, I have to say that Deathproof could have been the most awesome, interesting 20 minute short film of all time. But it was 114 minutes.
Srrriously. Longer does not equal better.
So, basically, I haven't liked a Tarantino movie since Kill Bill (that was 2004, people!). And even with Kill Bill, I was annoyed that it needed to be broken up into two movies. Actually, I still am.
So, despite having the best trailer of the past year, I was nervous about seeing Django. But, then a coworker that I think has good taste in movies recommended it, so I pulled the trigger. AND it was totally worth it. I shall elaborate... Hopefully without spoiling anything.
(1) I got to see the underside of Jamie Foxx's nutsack. I don't know if I've ever seen the underside of anyone's nutsack in a movie before, but if I had to pick one person whose nutsack underside I was willing to examine, Jamie Foxx would definitely be near the top of my list.
(2) Christoph Waltz! I'm so happy that I wasn't made to read his dialogue throughout this whole movie, because his delivery is so fantastic. He is a star, and I'm pissed that the vast majority of his more than 30 years of work aren't in english, because I really don't like subtitles.
(a) Subtitles are visually disturbing. Eye tracking is a cinematographic element that is important and often overlooked. In a well-crafted movie, the eye follows certain visual elements in an artistic way to convey emotion. Doesn't it interrupt that flow is the eye is constantly being dragged to the bottom of the screen to read yellow graffiti? Indeed.
(b) Subtitles ruin both dramatic and comedic pacing. Crapping on plot twists and punchlines alike, subtitles are the explosive diarrhea of information conveyance.
(c) I like making eye contact with actors while they speak. That allows me to pretend that they are my friends.
Ok... back to the original point...
(3) I am not a person easily shocked, however, not since Antichrist (and those dreaded scissors) have I had to close my eyes as much as in the first "mandingo" scene. It was crazy intense. But, in the same movie, there were scenes that were jubilantly violent, with brains exploding like nickelodeon slime and a wink from Djangles. Truly, this movie ran the gamut of violent expression from that which is inhuman to think about to gleeful ultraviolence. It was really a master class in the subtleties of our feelings as humans about inflicting pain on each other.
(4) Leonaro DiCaprio = Moustache Twisty. Finally no longer cute, homeboy was a total shithead. Almost comically villainish, he stole many, many scenes.
And... (5) Proving that every story is a love story, this movie was touching at moments. It showed love between man and woman, love across distance and over time, and love between races. Even Quentin's telltale microblips of burned filmstock cut in between scenes showed his love for cinema.
Ok... a quick list of the cons: That australian accent? Really? ; The first act was really oddly paced. ; And what's up with the novelty casting? Seriously? When you have three people in a shot, and one of them is Jonah Hill, the other is Don Johnson, and you don't recognize the third, there is a problem. It's just distracting.
And, finally, a special thanks goes out to my bf, who, despite not giving two shits about movies (He has never even seen What About Bob?), continues to listen when I go on and on and on and on and on about them.
I recommend seeing Django Unchained if you like things that are awesome, and if you have three hours to kill.
Peggy's rating: FIVE (mfing) STARS (out of 5)
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