11. Quartet: Beware the many, many spoilers

I have to spoil this movie in order to express my opinion about it. It can't be helped, so if you are worried about me ruining this movie for you, stop reading. Seriously. I'm about to tell you what happens in the end...

NOTHING.

This movie can seriously bite me. It's one big, long, slow tease of this big... wait for it... QUARTET.  AND THEN YOU NEVER GET TO SEE THE GOD DAMN QUARTET. Seriously. Despite the actors' mouths being open in this photo, they never actually sing anything. If I had been holding a super big gulp in my hand at the end of this movie, I would have thrown it straight at the screen.

What a giant waste of time.

The story of the relationships between the characters was fine. All four of the main actors were wonderful to watch. But it was essentially about four of the most brilliant opera stars ever, who NEVER FUCKING SING. Lots of other characters in the movie sing, which is totally delightful. But there was this whole theme about how Maggie Smith's character had stopped singing because she could never be as good as she was when she was young, and how the other characters convinced her to sing for the love of opera, and because this quartet was part of their history together as friends, and Maggie Smith watches all these other people perform without the fear of critics hanging over her head. AND THEN YOU NEVER SEE HER SING THE DAMN SONG. Sooooo... there's zero payoff.

They do, however, play a recording of the quartet from Rigoletto that is clearly sung by professional opera singers in their prime. Totally not the point of the movie. The movie was about the courage to perform imperfectly. And it totally failed to show these four people doing that.

And, of course, I assume this is because those four actors aren't opera singers, and were never opera singers, and would never in a billion years be able to pull off the quartet. But... maybe then they should have cast OPERA SINGERS. Jesus. What a terrible way to end this movie.

Also, at the beginning of the big gala concert that this entire movie builds up to, there is a scene that is essentially a throw-away character giving one of those LONG, totally boring pre-concert speeches, where they ramble on and on about thanking people who contributed, and talking about where the proceeds go to. Seriously. I never even want to hear those speeches LIVE.  What a terrible, terrible scene. If I had been in that room, and I had been holding a super big gulp, I would have thrown it at that character to get her to stop talking.

The rest of the movie was just wonderful. Really. But then it totally just vomits in its own lap.

Sad.

The only redeeming part was seeing all of the actors' photos from their operatic, musical, or theatrical works from their youth. That was pretty awesome.

But seriously. This movie can bite me.

Peggy's Rating: Three out of Five Stars.  (Could have been a four, but there was no quartet.)