Netflix un-suggestion of the week: The Giant Mechanical Man

Imagine yourself walking into a coffee shop at 11:00 on a Tuesday. There's a bearded hipster in his early 30's sitting in a chair near the window.  He's wearing a Smith's T-shirt. He doesn't work there. He probably doesn't work anywhere. He's reading a local arts newspaper, and has a copy of No Exit sitting on the table for later. Maybe he gives you the stink eye for using a disposable coffee cup.

Have you ever wanted to know what that guy thinks of the entire human race?

Well, look no further.  That guy wrote and directed a movie, and that movie is available on Netflix Streaming: The Giant Mechanical Man.

Unfortunately, there are a LOT of actors that I adore in this movie, so it sucked me in. Jenna Fischer, Chris Messina, Malin Akerman, Bob Odenkirk... but seriously, it's so bad. The only odd-man-out was Rich Sommer.  He had a very small side part, but for some reason, he stole every scene he was in. I think he was supposed to be a generic stooge, but he just seemed like a really sincere, nice guy.  It was surprising amid the rest of the characters' cavalcade of cliches.

The main characters reek of clinical depression. Every non-main character is both an asshole and completely vapid. TV-watchers are bad. Job-havers are stooges. Semi-unemployable "artists" with terrible relationship skills are noble, and their only problems are that they are misunderstood, and want them to conform to the rest of the sad, meaningless existence which is society.

I could have written this in one of my more melodramatic phases of puberty. It's completely obnoxious and self-important. Even the "cute" romantic-comedy scenes were depressing and no one really learns anything, or grows in any way.  Barf.  It was horrible. Bad writing. Terrible pacing. Scenes that were just kind of mushed together.

And yeah, I'm sure there's a super hot 35 year old dude working as a janitor at a zoo somewhere, and he DOESN'T have a crippling drug habit.  That's totally a real thing that happens in life.

This movie had nothing interesting to say, but tried to say a lot. Save yourself an hour and a half, and just punch yourself in the face a few times.  It will be more enjoyable.

Peggy's Rating: One out of Five Stars.